Ever had that sinking feeling when someone’s dodging your messages? It’s not the greatest, especially when project success is hanging by a thread.
The Silent Treatment
I was in this exact boat recently. Someone, usually super reliable, started ghosting me. They had committed to something and had missed the deadline. All I was seeking was a status update. Missing the deadline wasn’t the main concern; I simply needed to confirm and, if necessary, adjust expectations to a new timeframe
At first, I thought, “Maybe they missed my direct message?”. But MS Teams does show when the message has been read, so he definitely had seen it. After another message and the cold shoulder treatment, I had my answer.
If I had been in any doubt at all, we had a weekly catch-up meeting the next day and two minutes before it started, he declined it. And without any reason. Note to the world: if you’re going to bail last minute, at least give a reason.
Radio Silence
This level of avoidance from a colleague isn’t commonplace, thankfully. But what’s more usual in the world of projects is when a deadline breezes by, and there’s radio silence.
From my experience, it usually boils down to two things:
- The Oblivious Team: Sometimes, teams genuinely don’t grasp the importance of their tasks and why they need to keep the project manager in the loop. Maybe they don’t see the domino effect, where one delay can set off a series of unfortunate events. A quick chat usually sets the ship right.
- The Hopeful Optimists: These folks think if the project manager hasn’t come knocking post-deadline, maybe they’ve got extra time. Unfortunately that’s not usually the case. Good project managers would prefer to manage by exception than micro-manage. In such circumstances, silence is often taken as a sign that everything’s peachy. But this approach can backfire if the team’s not proactive with their updates.
The Reality of Ghosting
In my case I think my colleague was hoping this was something of a Schrödinger’s cat situation. If we didn’t talk about the task, its status remains both complete and incomplete? Beautifully ambiguous. Wrong. By avoiding the conversation so deliberately, it was clear the task wasnt done – and probably had not yet been started.
I get it. Sometimes, having those conversations is tough. But hiding just makes things messier. As a project manager, I’m not here to play the blame game. I just need to manage the risks and steer the ship.
So, to all the ghosters out there: be aware that hiding turns you into the very risk we then need to manage.
To the Avoided and the Avoiders
To those being ghosted in the project world: Stay engaged. Check in, be understanding, but also, be direct.
And if you’re the one dodging messages: A good project manager values honesty. With the truth, they can work magic. But without it? Everything’s just a house of cards.
In my story, confrontation wasn’t the answer. I set up another meeting with this topic as the subject. And guess what? Before we even sat down, I received an update that the task was done. More often than not this tends to be the outcome.